he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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