just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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