It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
