well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize