They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
