can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
