Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
