I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
