No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
