I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
