i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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