Barsexuality is the new black.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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