This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
