coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
