You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
