Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
