yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
