it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
