so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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