On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Congratulations! We have a period
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