He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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