Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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