Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
