dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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