just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
