Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
