where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
