Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
