I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
