so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
