you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
