she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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