She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
