no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
