but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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