He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
