in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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