she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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