What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
