My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
