don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
