Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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