my phone needs a breathalizer
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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