broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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