My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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