I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
