I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
