the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
