I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
