Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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