There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love you. Go after that dick