My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
