Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
