Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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