I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
