Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
